hey peeps. here's some new thoughts of the night that have suddenly made my life make sense momentarily.
yesterday while i was holed up in my room doing school work, i was thinking about imaginary friends for some odd reason. i think i had one in my thumb when i was little...after...like sesame street or something cray cray like that. ANyWAYS. naturally i started thinking about God. i used to have this shirt that said "my invisible friend created me." this always caused some odd reactions...some people thought it said "imaginary"..and when i told them it said "invisible" they were like, "isn't that the same thing?" umm...no. but yesterday i started thinking about the odds of God being nothing more than a figment of my imagination. what if he really is this thing that we all just made up, a crutch to get by? and of course i started spazzing out sporadically at the thought and how pissed i was that my mind actually just came up with something so heinous. as if the thought about fencing with Jesus and trying to sucker punch my creator isn't enough, the thought actually came to mind that God isn't real. wow. i wish i could pull off a thomas aquinas and tell you that everything is ok, that i found the answer to prove his existence. i haven't. unless that scared feeling i get in the pit of my stomach or that creepy tingly feeling that runs up and down my spine isn't proof enough. but even now as i think about it, i get a little freaked and i'm not sure what to do.
the reason why i haven't died yet is because God is afraid of dealing with me. and by afraid i mean he doesn't want to. perhaps. all in good fun, of course. if God really does care and is there and all that stuff, i doubt he's afraid of his own creation. that would be weird. which brings me to the question i've heard asked before...can God create a rock to heavy for him to pick up? if he can't pick it up he's not perfectly strong..and if he can't make it, he's not really God or something awkward like that...geeze, come up with a better question than that if you want to try and disprove him. that just makes all of us look bad. esp you for asking it. i'm sorry, but that's just bad. if you want to disprove god, go for that age-old question about "how can there be a good god if there's evil in the world?" that makes more sense and is a lot harder to trap people with...i'm still trying to figure that one out...at least freakin reconcile it...
that's all i got for now...on a more personal heart condition note, it hurts...a little bit...and it's scared...really scared. i actually asked my professor this afternoon to pray for me...cause i'm scared of something new i have to do...
