love never fails

Love never fails,

Love always protects,

That’s what I was taught to believe.

But Love,

Here I stand today,

And I find you hard to believe.

Love,

I could not stop what happened

That cold December night.

I was sharply awakened,

Awakened with a fright,

As his shadow fell over my bed.

Love,

I closed my eyes tight,

I prayed for dear life,

‘Please, Love, not tonight!’

But his shadow became real

Oh, the pain I began to feel.

Love,

He stole all my innocence that night,

And he always came back for more.

In the day he pretended nothing happened,

But at night, evil would take its plight.

Love,

Where did you go that night?

I thought you would always protect.

Love,

Why did you fail me that night?

I thought that you never failed.

Love,

Can you heal what was broken,

Can you make all things new?

Love,

I am broken

Love,

I am used.

Love,

Please come and make all things new.

“Love always protects and always trusts…Love never fails.”

too late

i was so young
and you seemed so strong
i thought you'd keep me safe
and spare me from what's wrong

but one night there was evil
a darkness filled my room
his shadow fell over my bed
he stole all my innocence
and left me cold and bare

i thought you would protect me
keep me from this fate
God, i thought that you would save me
before it was too late

did you suddenly disappear,
at the sight of my first tear
did you have to turn away
when i cried into the night?
when he overpowered me
did you run away?
why did you go away?

what did i do to deserve this
was i not as treasured as they?
they tell me i'm you're beloved
why is my life this way?

i thought you would protect me

keep me from this fate

God, i thought that you would save me

before it got too late

did you suddenly disappear,

at the sight of my first tear

did you have to turn away

when i cried into the night?

when he overpowered me

did you run away?

why did you go away?

maybe someday you'll find me

broken, used and bruised

and maybe if you find me

you'll fill me and make me new

please never disappear

just stay and dry my tears

please don't turn away

when i cry into the night

don't let him overpower me,

please don't run away.

God, i just want you to stay

to stay and keep me safe.

this is the time...

that i'm fighting beliefs again.  that's all i can say, seeing as this isn't as private as i need it to be.  if i'm ever famous someday or if i'm working in a church or anywhere else, and they read some of the stuff that goes through my mind posted on here, my job/rep would be at risk.  true heart-felt honesty is best saved for a sheet of paper.

You give and take away...

Famous, powerful line in the old praise song 'Blessed Be Your Name'; 'You give and take away, You give and take away. My heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name...'

shoot i can't remember why this was significant whenever i saved it as a draft...but i can think today why it would be significant in my life right now..grrr.

God is love...

God is love, God is love, God is love...'Behold, I make all things new.' God is love, God is love, God is love...Love...'Behold...behold...I make all things new.....i am making you new...'

God is love...i've heard it a lot, especially recently, but something about when my friend told me that on the phone..something changed...it keeps ringing loudly in my ears, i can still hear the serious tone of her voice when she said it..right after i called God a jerk...and she told me that he's not..kept saying no, no..He is Love. he loves you. and love isn't easy. it's hard. life isn't easy. i can't remember much after that except she told me she'd talk to me more later..

today has been one of the worst days of my life...there's so much spiritual crap going on, it's ridiculous..i feel like i really f***d up last night...i know i've f***d up a lot with God..that's part of the problem i guess...

distraught-ness turned to agitation

today started out with an ominous feeling on steroids, that feeling like something bad was going to happen...and i still have that feeling. just found out my friend's mom died...maybe that's what the feeling was for, but idk. praying for him...<3

the distraught, though still there, has also morphed into a new agitation. i want to quit going to church so bad. i'm so freakin fed up with EVERYTHING. every time i get involved somewhere, i get "screwed" for it. i get thrown around like i don't matter. why? sometimes it's b/c i'm "versatile"/flexible. perhaps too flexible and laid back. not many people know the damage that goes down when they throw me around like that. and a lot of that is my fault, because i don't normally let people know. i fake it like everything is ok, or just stay stagnant. but it never solves anything...:(

taking it back to the beginning...

i had to read Genesis for a class...and come up with questions it raised..which were several...but i noticed as i read it, and when i started reading some of it out loud to my dad, i felt an inner peace/contentment..there was a release inside me...so right now i'm gonna do that again, just read it, not trying to look at it through spiritual eyes or academic eyes...just read it like it's the first time i saw it, and try to see what really might've happened way back then..gonna pretend that i have no prior knowledge to this moment right here, and right now, that this is truly my beginning...time to figure out if God is real and if so...how can i know it? how can i love him again? how can i know him, if to know him is to love him and vice versa?